Berlin, Germany. Me, James (brother), Costas (brother’s friend).
Saturday 24th to Tuesday 27th February 2018.
1. The Young Singers
On the B128 bus
from Berlin Tegel Airport to central Berlin.
A small boy is singing a German song with his sister at the back of the
bus. They walk past us and sit with
their grandmother. The boy is wearing a hoody and coat and looks like a
miniature adult from behind. I want to
sing The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round.
Might be sent back to the airport if someone hears. Decide against it.
2. The Strong Woman
DDR Museum. What life was like in the former East
Germany. Metal sculpture of Ami Paaz, a
fish factory worker and activist. Broad,
pitted, battle-hardened. One hand in an
overcoat pocket. Strong stance. Friendly, but definitely not to be
crossed. By Wolfgang Eckardt, 1971.
3. The Burger
Burgermeister,
Kreuzberg. Formerly a toilet. Now making millions. Berliners in woolly hats. Cramped. A polite shuffle for burgers. Warmth gained through cow and potato. And beer/bier. James and Costas are talking about infrared
radiation.
4. The Good Sleep
Circus
Hostel. Ten-bed dorm. Cold left outside. Less boozy night than expected. Sober enough to read a book and sleep as well
as anyone can in a room full of strangers.
Tomorrow: base layers. Cold will
attempt an impossible maze to my bones.
5. The Girl and the Middle Distance
Yes - a base layer
saved my life. Warmth is the best
currency. Or in the very least, stronger than the pound at the
moment. Waiting for the walking
tour. James getting coffee. A young blonde girl with round, thin-rimmed glasses
writing diary in the corner. Watch as
she stares into the middle distance.
6. The Great-Grandparents
Holocaust
Memorial. A busy skyline. Represents what was taken and what could have
been. Find records of Leo and Lilly, our maternal great-grandparents. Sought exile in Berlin, taken to the
Theresienstadt Ghetto on 15th December 1942, transferred to Auschwitz
and murdered on 23rd January 1943.
7. The Bad Photographer
Back at the
hostel. James and Costas laughing at a
picture we asked a passerby to take of the three of us stood in front of The
Brandenburg Gate. In one picture, us and
just the columns. No top bit. The architrave, frieze and cornice cut off
through bad framing or hatred of the English.
8. The Single Ticket
Third day. Breakfast.
Page 210 of Annie Proulx’s The Shipping News. A U-Bahn ticket serves as a bookmark. 2.80 Euros for a single ticket. Eizelfahrausweis. We made up our own rules for what constitutes
a single journey. As long as it’s in the
same direction, it can be 100 miles long. No conductors or inspectors to tell us
otherwise. Very bad tourists. Will buy day pass tomorrow to make amends.
9. The Colour Purple
U-Bahn. U8.
Towards Hermanstrasse. Busy
carriage. A woman is knitting with
purple wool next to James. He’s reading
The Power of Now. The woman is wearing an
orange scarf and purple trousers. A clear
fondness for purple. On the way to The Jewish Museum.
10. The Five O’Clock Tea
James found a
Tajikistan tea room. Cushions and low
tables. Green walls and ornately carved
wooden columns. Glimpse another way of
life – softer light, softer life? More relaxed. Perfect for
storytelling. I have the Five O’Clock
Tea approximately 40 minutes after five o’clock. James thinks his tastes like PG Tips.
11. The Man with the Extraordinarily Long
Penis
‘It’s even
longer from this angle’, James said, showing me the picture he’d taken of the
man with the extraordinarily long penis.
He’s on the side of a building in Kreuzberg. Were walking back from The Jewish Museum. Burst out laughing when I saw it. His proud erection extends
a whopping five floors. Jaw-dropping,
traffic stopping. A modern-day Priapus.
In England, it would either be banned or considered a place of pilgrimage.
12. The Cool Berliners
Schlot Jazz
Club. A German jazz trio called Nosedive
are on stage. Named after an episode of
Black Mirror. Drummer is currently going
full Whiplash. As a newcomer to German jazz, and jazz in general, I'm paying close attention to
how this music makes me feel. Probably shouldn't be writing during the drum solo. Lots of impossibly young Berliners
here. So good-looking, so
well-adjusted. Wonder whether they’ve
ever given themselves the opportunity to be uncool.
13. The East-West Walk Once Impossible
Just finished
breakfast in the hostel. James has gone
up for a shower. Devendra Banhart is
playing on the speakers. This is our
final day in Berlin. Will take a stroll
along The Berlin Wall today. A privilege
after so many years of division. They
have Germans posing as American soldiers posing for pictures at Checkpoint
Charlie. A Disneyfication of history was
how our tour guide described it.
14. The Baby and the Missile
At Nano Falafel
near The Wall Musuem. Cheap and
yummy. Highly recommended. Walked three
miles down Karl-Marx-Allee from the hostel.
Me and James spoke about habits, rituals. He said he always has to look in prams and
pushchairs to see whether it’s a baby or a missile. The habit has origins in a piece of graffiti
he read once.
15. The Handstand
Walked along The
Wall. Street art, possibly for
miles. Gazillions of photo
opportunities. James takes my picture at
a certain angle. Gives the illusion that
I’m nose to nose with a painting of an old man with his eyes closed.
Should really find out who he is.
James did a handstand next to one that read MANY SMALL PEOPLE WHO IN
MANY SMALL PLACES DO MANY SMALL THINGS THAT CAN ALTER THE FACE OF THE
WORLD. Internet watch out. Handstand pic in front of the wall better than kittens breakdancing under a quadruple rainbow.
15. The Girl Buys the Banana
At the boarding
gate. Just watched a little girl buy a
banana with a handful of change. Leftover euros
perhaps. She skipped back to her
family. ‘It sucks that I’m having two
cold holidays in a row.’ James says.
Thinks about it, then adds, ‘But it’s a very first-world suck.’ A few
minutes later, opens the coke bottle he forgot he dropped. Spray goes everywhere.
16. The Descent
Descent into
Birmingham Airport. Me and James
discussing enlightenment. ‘From the
limited perspective of the manifested universe, the sausages will be ready in
five minutes, Turkish.’ Makes me laugh. A spiritual take on a Snatch quote. Smooth landing.
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