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There Will Be Blood

Nurse: Before you give blood, I've just got to ask you a few questions.
Me: Okay.
Nurse: Have you done any strenuous exercise today? 
Me: Yes-I mean no. By yes I mean no. Well, maybe.
Nurse: Which one is it? 
Me: It's a possibly-but-pretty-please-I'd-still-like-to-give-blood. Is that an option on your sheet?
Nurse: Mr Wiggins, I'm going to have to press you for a straight answer.
Me: It depends how you define strenuous.
Nurse: What did you do? 
Me: I went on a small bike ride.
Nurse: How small? 
Me: A medium-sized small. I cycled back from Cheltenham. You see, I don't have a car at the moment.
Nurse: How far did you cycle? 
Me: It's not as much about-
Nurse: Sir, how far did you cycle? 
Me: Five miles, give or take.
Nurse: Give or take? 
Me: Um, now let's see. No, it was five miles exactly. 
Nurse: And how fast did you cycle? 
Me: Now, you see: that's the thing. I had to rush back to make this appointment.
Nurse: How long did you cycle for? 
Me: Oh, maybe thirty minutes. The bus usually does it in forty. 
Nurse: Right. In that case, I'm afraid to say-
Me: Pretty please.
Nurse: No.
Me: Not even with a cherry? 
Nurse: No.
Me: I only come for the biscuits anyway.


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