A record of a lonely and bitter mother scolding her son for picking up his estranged father’s bad habits at the breakfast table

Monday

You eat those Cheerios like they’re about to be rationed;
We used to chew our food if that’s so old-fashioned.

Tuesday

There was more gobble in that than on a turkey farm
That the Honey Monster himself would stand in alarm.

Wednesday

Don’t slouch on the seat or slurp on your tea,
And don’t hold that spoon like it was wriggling free.

Thursday

You know you can eat your toast in more than a bite:
That strawberry jam isn’t about to ignite.

Friday

You drink your squash like you want to drown,
And you eat your Coco Pops before the milk goes brown.

Comments

Mr Pebble Pockets

I’ve called him Mr Pebble Pockets because if I don’t make a joke out of it I’ll cry. It was about 10:30pm, I’d just got back to the boat from a late shift and I was waiting for my Deliveroo. He was standing a little further down the towpath and staring at the water. The night was clear and crisp and there was enough moonlight to see the shape of him: he was tall, late twenties and had a powerful sporty look to him. He wasn’t crying, but he was shaking and he stood crooked. Well, it doesn’t take a genius, does it? I only came out to wait for a bloody curry. Mother Florence bloody Teresa Nightingale springing into action, hungry and as tired as fuck and now having to stop this guy from jumping into the canal with an anchor for a coat. I know now that the best thing to do was offer him a cigarette. I don’t know why I didn’t. I had the packet and the lighter in my hand. ‘Excuse me,’ I said. ‘Ar...

An Expert Analysis of Michael Fassbender's Running Style From the Film 'Shame'

Tom Wiggins: What are your first impressions of Michael Fassbender/Brandon's running style? Paul Whittaker: He's running nice, smooth and relaxed. He seems like he has a good amount of fitness and he is running well within himself in terms of pace. TW: What improvements could he make to his running style? PW: The main improvement I'd make is his foot plant. He lands heel first and this causes a 'breaking' effect when travelling forwards. If he landed on his mid-foot/forefoot, this would be a much better for impact stress and propulsion going forward into the next running stride. TW: Regarding his speed, how many minutes per mile is he running? PW : I would say he is running approx 7-7.30 minutes per mile. TW: What do you make of his stride lengths? Is he overstriding/understriding? PW: The actor is definitely overstriding in this clip. It would help if his feet landed underneath and below his centre of gravit...

Samsa & Shabeezi

Samsa was now a human. He’d recently become a human after his architect decided to put a human heart in him and give him feelings. The five litres of blood that now pumped around his body warmed him up. It made for incredible nose bleeds, spasms, cramps and bruising, to name o nly a small fraction of the symptoms, but his architect assured him that it would all be worth it and that he'd feel normal very soon. He didn't know what normal was, but he knew it wasn't puking and shitting and bleeding all over the place for the first two months and then just feeling terrible for several weeks after that. Human life is agony, he thought, but he trusted the process. One day, a little over twelve weeks after the operation, he woke up from his first good night's sleep and was able to open the curtains without the light splitting his skull in two. Samsa had known Shabeezi before she became a human woman. All they had done was fight. Samsa es...

Tom Wiggins, Letter Carver & Writer

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