Skip to main content

The Tarantino Vows




Repeat after me.

 "Repea–"

 Not yet, stupid.  Repeat after me: I solemnly swear. 

 "I solemnly mother f***ing swear."

 -

 "I solemnly swear."

 That from this day forwards.

 "That from this day forwards."

 I will watch every Quentin Tarantino film at the cinema.

 "Excluding Deathproof."

 What? 

 "Excluding Death Proof.  I thought it'd be rubbish.  And I didn't want to watch the other one.  

 Okay.  Repeat after me: I will watch every Quentin Tarantino film apart from Death Proof at the cinema as long as I shall live. 

 "| do."

 Repeat. 

 "I will watch every Quentin Tarantino film apart from Death Proof - because I thought it was going to be a bit rubbish and I read in a review that Planet Terror was shit - as long as I shall live." 

 Till Death Proof and Planet Terror do part. 

 "Till Death Proof and Planet Terror do part." 

 You may now kill the bride.

 "Thank you, vicar.  I'd just like to say a few words: [Clears throat]–

 Is it from Ezekiel 25:17?  

 "It just so happens that it is."

Then no.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Simon B 25 January 2013 at 21:16

    The only QT movie I've seen at the cinema was Pulp Fiction. When the pre-credits sequence slammed into the titles I thought "This is going to be an instant motherf####in' classic... motherf###er..."

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Samsa & Shabeezi

Samsa was now a human.  He’d recently become a human after his architect decided to put a human heart in him and give him feelings.  The five litres of blood that now pumped around his body warmed him up.  It made for incredible nose bleeds, spasms, cramps and bruising, to name o nly a small fraction of the symptoms, but his architect assured him that it would all be worth it and that he'd feel normal very soon.  He didn't know what normal was, but he knew it wasn't puking and shitting and bleeding all over the place for the first two months and then just feeling terrible for several weeks after that.  Human life is agony, he thought, but he trusted the process.  One day, a little over twelve weeks after the operation, he woke up from his first good night's sleep and was able to open the curtains without the light splitting his skull in two.  Samsa had known Shabeezi before she became a human woman.   All they had done was fight.   Samsa especially liked doing flying
Post a Comment
Read more

When I Needed a Winter Project, I Turned to Dylan Thomas - a Tommy & Moon Story

Before the snow came the smell of cinnamon. I wanted to track it all the way back to its source, to see who gave it flight. I imagine a woman, seventy-five, making herself a cappuccino next to an open window. The air is cold and sharp but she needs a quick blast of late autumn’s best before she gets out with the whippet. Wisp is looking at her from her basket, scanning for indications from mum that her walk is coming. Don’t worry, Wisp: walkies is imminent - but then a song comes on the radio that she hasn’t heard in fifty years. The Serge Gainsbourg ballad throws her into a deep dream-state, a reverie that takes her all the way back to Paris. She walks to the cupboard to find the cinnamon shaker, brushing shoulders with actors and actresses who’d worked with Godard and Truffaut and Antonioni. She remembers the time she once saw Jane Birkin at a party and witnessed first-hand the effect her beauty had on all the men in the room. I was two miles away from home, running at an easy, stead
Post a Comment
Read more

The Angel of Death - a Tommy & Moon Story

I cannot - for reasons that will soon become clear - tell you exactly where we were working.   What I can say is that it was an Arts & Crafts church somewhere in the south of England.  Given the number of non-Arts & Crafts churches across the country, this detail narrows it down tremendously.  I will also say that it’s one of the finest examples of a church built in response to that movement that exists today.  I would like to say I shed a small tear of joy when I first saw it, but I didn’t.  I probably said to Moon ‘Blimey O’Reilly, that’s a bit nice, ennit?’, or words to that effect as we walked through the lychgate. I also wouldn’t like to tell you the poem we were carving in the churchyard for fear of narrowing down the possible churches even further.   Suffice it to say, it was a lovely poem, and more than worthy of being carved beside one of the most beautiful churches I’ve ever seen in my life.   The poem and the experience of carving it with Moon left such an impressio
Post a Comment
Read more