Skip to main content


Showing posts from October, 2012

Who Knew?

The Savile Row tailors knew it, 
the Martini drinkers knew it, 
the Aston Martin Owners Club knew it, 
MI5 secretly knew it, 
Her Majesty knew it, 
her corgis, cocking their heads, knew it, 
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named knew it, 
the femme fatales knew it, 
001, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 knew it, 
Q knew it, 
M knew, 
even J and K from Men in Black knew it, 
Ian Fleming most certainly knew it, 
Sir Connery and Sir Moore knew it, 
in fact, every incarnation knew it,   
heck, even David Niven knew it, 
while all those who had every crossed him knew it,
and all the women who had ever loved him knew it.

The Giant Public Storage Cabinet

Council Chairman: All those in favour of passing a motion to commission the design and build of a giant public storage cabinet intended for permanent placement in the centre of town, say I.  


Council Chairman: This microphone must be faulty.  I said, all those–

Council Board Member: Derek, we heard you the first time.  And you've never had a microphone.  

London 2012: Why Britain Should Be Oh-So Proud

One or two posts ago,  you may have read as this flag-waving patriot waxed lyrical over how Britain was restored to its natural Britishness in 2012.  The Queen's Diamond Jubilee and The London Games ticked all the right boxes in terms of what the events had set out to achieve.  The year 2012 silenced even the most pessimistic of pessimists.  The glass-fully-empty types had to concede that they enjoyed 2012 as much as the rest of us.  If they said they didn't, then they're lying.    
I had watched highlights from the opening ceremony of the London Olympics from a hotel room in Miyajima, Japan.  I returned to  England on the Tuesday following the opening ceremony, so I hadn't really missed very much.  London Heathrow was buzzing with the salutations of track-suited volunteers.  Helpfulness was projecting out of mouths like pea soup from Linda Blair.  Everyone was falling over themselves - possessed, should we say - to help their visitors.  It was a wonderful sight.  The l…

The Student Knock

Untroubled, unhurried, loyal to the knock, 
silent - they waited.  Time took leave of itself.   James rolled on his heels, stopping at intervals. 
Will watched a plane and he did so open-mouthed  and that’s all he did.  A bush rustled somewhere. Should we go? I asked.  James turned his head, looked at me.  
What for? We haven’t spoken to them yet.  We’ve knocked, I said.  Yes.   And they’re not in.  He looked at Will. Will looked down, looked at me.  
I looked back at Will.Will turned to James.   I thought you said they go to City.  
You said the thing said they went to City   They do go to City, James said.   The thing did say it. Will smiled, relaxed.  Don’t worry, he smirked.  They go to City.  The thing said so.  Another knock.   They’re in,James said.They go to City.  They’re always in.  

2012: The Year of the Britain...But Is There More to Come?

What more can you say about a year that will be remembered so fondly through red, white and blue?  The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and London 2012 was the double bill that the British people needed: the veritable chap stick that softened the stiffened upper lips of a Britain in recession.  Even those who would otherwise have complained about buying Union Jack bunting would have had to acknowledge its timeliness.  Has there been another period in British history in which we could use such a patriotic street lining, not once, but twice, and within two months of each another?  To line the streets would be to give back to the people what the rioters of 2011 took away.  We came together to restore the image of a truly Great Britain.  

So how do you sum up a year so steeped in glory?  Its pinnacle was arguably 4th August 2012 – the aptly-named "Super Saturday".  It was Britain’s most successful day in the Olympics for more than a century and saw our athletes take home three gold medals…