Following on from a poem I wrote recently entitled The Gift of Shower Gel - Christmas Eve 1997 in which I explore what my eleven year old self considered as successful and, er, less successful presents, I'd like to expand further on its last line: "would kiss two cheeks twice for a calculator watch." Of course, by 1997 my wrist already sported a calculator watch, as was the fashion of the day. But there was an upgrade. Always an upgrade. I prayed that Santa knew his Casio from his Seiko and had what Bill Bailey calls "The Laminated Book of Dreams" in his reference library, otherwise known as the Argos catalogue. During the first or second year of Secondary School, my beloved Casio Calculator Watch went missing. When I say went missing, I mean a substitute P.E Teacher stole it. It went into his sports bag before a lesson one day and - like the teacher - was never seen again. ...